Relationship experts reveal top tips for dealing with a breakup

Two relationship experts have revealed the best and most effective ways to get over a break up.

Speaking to Cosmpolitan , Alexandra Solomon – clinical psychologist and author of Loving Bravely – revealed the different methods that can be used to move on after a relationship has ended. 

The Illinois-based author also revealed the things people should be weary of in the early stages of the post-breakup phase. 

Similarly, Los Angeles-based clinical psychologist Wendy Walsh gave her two cents on the topic of getting over an ex-partner.

Both experts revealed their top tips, which include getting with someone else – if you want to – as well as treating yourself to an abundance of self-care in order to get your emotions back on track.

They also recommend taking what you can from the unsuccessful relationship, and learning from what went wrong. 

Learn from the relationship 

Alexandra says one way to help yourself move on from the failed relationship is to think about the different aspects of it.

She advises people experiencing breakups to try to figure out and understand how the relationship fits into the overall picture of your life.

The author believes there is something to be learned from every relationship. 

She says it’s a good idea to write a letter to yourself, explaining what went wrong with the relationship. This can come in handy if it becomes tempting to reconnect with your ex, as reading the letter could make you realize why you had left them initially. 

Forget about the breakup timeline 

The expert says it can be helpful to try and forget about the idea that getting over a break up needs a certain time frame. 

By placing a limit on the amount of time you’re giving yourself to get over your ex, it can make it more difficult in the long run.

Alexandra said: ‘The best way to speed things along is to just let ourselves feel what we feel as fully as we can.’

Don’t date out of fear

The author advises against getting back in the dating game unless you’re one hundred per cent confident. 

She says it isn’t a good idea to get back out there if you’re solely looking to date someone out of fear of being lonely.

‘If you’re dating because you’re afraid to be alone, desperate to stop hurting, or certain that nobody will ever find you attractive again, those are fears,’ she explained. 

‘Being lead by love means trusting that you have a lot to give, and being excited about the possibilities of a new partnership,’ she added. 

Move at your own pace 

When it comes to getting over someone properly, taking things at your own personal pace is key, according to Alexandra.

She said: ‘You’ve moved on when you can get to know someone on their own terms versus as a comparison.’ 

Therefore, you’ll naturally know when you’re ready to get to know someone else, as you won’t want to compare them to your ex.

Instead, you’ll solely be focuses on them alone. 

‘Get under’ someone else 

Speaking to the publication, clinical psychologist Wendy Walsh said having sex with someone new can be a good way to move on. 

However, Wendy only advises this if you’re in the right head space, and if you know that it’s a rebound.

Wendy, who hosts Making Matters podcast, said: ‘Love is a delicious cocktail of neurohormones, so you actually go through a kind of drug withdrawal after a breakup.’ 

Practice self-care 

The experts also revealed self-care as a vital way to keep yourself going after an emotional breakup.

Whether it involves spending time with close friends and family, indulging in some retail therapy or spend time with a pet, self-care is a vital part of coming to grips with your emotions after a tough breakup.