By Ellie Advice Columnist Sat., March 2, 2019 Q: My wife and I have been separated for nine months, moving toward a divorce. We were a good couple for five years, married for two. We rarely had conflicts or fights. Now I’m desperate. It started when we were planning to have kids. We were concerned about medication that she’s taken since she was a teenager, so she got off them. In exchange, she got into depression (we didn’t know this at the time). After a couple months, I felt sadness from not being able to help her, and my own depression started. I’d never before been exposed to depression or had it. Article Continued Below A few months later, she had to get back on her medications, I was still depressed and we were quickly growing apart, largely because of me. My depression worsened. After a month in a very deep depressive state, I told her that I didn’t think we were a good couple and we had to split up. … [Read more...] about Depression tore my marriage about. I don’t know how to let it go: Ask Ellie
Couples therapy before marriage
By Ellie Advice Columnist Wed., Jan. 16, 2019 Q: My wife of 13 years and I both work fulltime and have two school-age children. We’re both trying to advance at work, take our kids to activities, and help them with homework. We’re also trying to stay fit and also have couple-time as adults, but that last is the first thing to go. We repeatedly have to cancel plans for a dinner out without the kids, and barely ever go for a walk together. There’s almost no opportunity to check in with each other and share how things are going for us, personally. I’m not talking about sex. We’re smart enough to know that if we don’t keep that going, it’s too easy to be attracted elsewhere when we’re both working closely with other co-workers. Article Continued Below But we can go for days exchanging details about schedules, and rushing to do and get everything on our lists. How do we fit in just taking time … [Read more...] about My wife and I have school-age kids and are desparate to find time alone: Ask Ellie
caption Marriage is a “people-growing machine.” source HBO A marriage can still be considered successful even if it ends in divorce. Couples therapists say marriage is designed to help people grow – and sometimes they grow out of the relationship. It’s important to embrace change in your relationship, instead of fearing it. “Your marriage has one goal,” Hal Runkel said. “Marriage has evolved into a people-growing machine.” Runkel is a marriage and family therapist based in Atlanta, and he was explaining to me why he’s never attached to any one particular outcome in couples therapy. If the couple chooses to divorce after working with him, so be it. To him, that’s not a failure on his part or on that of his clients. Marriage, he told me, “is perfectly designed to help you grow up. It challenges your blind spots. Marriage will expose your … [Read more...] about Divorce isn’t a failure, therapists say. In fact, it could mean the marriage was a success.
caption Get real. source John Hope/Flickr It’s easy to believe that your relationship is different from everyone else’s. It’s probably not. Relationships take effort to maintain, and you won’t always be happy with your partner. Even if you love each other, if you have fundamentally different values, a breakup may be the best option. Everyone knows relationships are hard, and take effort to maintain, and sometimes disappoint you. Except, of course, your relationship. That’s different. Or so everyone likes to believe. Below, we’ve listed some of the truest but hardest-to-accept insights about modern romance. If you can get past these somewhat unsettling ideas, you’ll be more likely to have a happy and fulfilling partnership. We’re often attracted to people who will later drive us crazy source Shutterstock While researching … [Read more...] about 12 hard truths about relationships no one wants to believe
Paris Hilton has said she never fights with new fiancé Chris Zylka. Some experts say you can have conflict without fighting, while others say fighting before marriage can be productive. Ultimately, don’t compare your relationship to the way someone else’s relationship looks from the outside. I recently profiled Paris Hilton’s relationship with new fiancé Chris Zylka. More than once, I noticed, Hilton has publicly described her partner and their partnership as “perfect.” Each has dropped the F-bomb – “fairy tale” – when referring to the other. But the most sweet/gross characterization of their relationship I came across was this: In November 2017, Hilton told US Weekly, “I think we’re the only couple that never fights. All my friends are like, ‘Literally, you guys are the perfect couple. I’ve never seen you argue.'” Zylka chimed … [Read more...] about Paris Hilton has said she and fiancé Chris Zylka are the ‘perfect couple’ because they ‘never fight’ — and she might be onto something